Sick + Chemical Pregnancy

So we ended up at the E.R. last night.

Not fun at all.

Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy as the blood test came back negative and the ultrasound showed signs of pregnancy.... or something.

I had a female exam (by a person I had just met, that was really scary and awkward and I cried) and then I declined the vaginal ultrsound because the lady wouldnt let E come back and hold my hand and I have never had one of those before.

Turns out I have a bacterial infection that can happen after a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy as well as can cause an UTI... which I have.

So the high temp and spotting and other happy happy (sarcasm) stuff I have had for the past week was a result of that. I am on 2 antibiotics at the moment and I am glad we went in and got me checked out -- the Doc said it was the right thing to do since this owuld have just continued to get worse and worse.

So now we can happily prepare for our TTC-Free vacation in 2 weeks :)
I am looking forward to it.

And we will resume TTC next cycle -- If I don't update much it is because I really want to make this blog mainly about family stuff, TTC, baby stuff, pregnancy, etc. :)


-Jess

2 weeks and 6 days until Disney Trip!

So we purchased our 5 day park hopper passes this evening! :)

And E.M. made our reservations last night at work and talked to his boss about the half off cards and they are suppose to be in sometime this month, she told him if they didn't arrive by the time we were to leave she'd call the manager at the hotel we are staying at. So our entire 5 night stay should only cost $130.00 with tax....meaning regular guests pay $260.oo-ish. Yikes, pricey! :)

We also decided what luggage we are taking...
Large Cooler - for cold food including out sandwhiches for the drive.
1 tote for the non perishable food including the snacks for the room and the snacks for the parks!
1 tote for clothes & board games
1 small duffle bag for our personals and toiletries as well as doog dishes, leashes, and potty pads!
E's backpack for computers and then to take to the park with snacks.
E's pouch bag I will carry with extra snacks and stuff to do in lines.

That's it. Pretty good for us! :)

More to come.
And I am still sick, fever and bad headache for the last 24 hours :(


-Jess

It's Final

• We are deifnitley going on a vacation. Our first ever actual vacation because we don't include funeral trips, trips to save kittens and rats, trips for weddings, trips to re-register the truck, and trips in general to see FAMILY.
  
  This vacation is going to be great; yes, I have very high expectations.
  Like I said it's our first ever romantic get away.
  
  So here is the plan:
  E.M. went ahead and called his boss (who, by the way is quitting! Thank the heavenly Lord above!) and told her that he wanted to go ahead and take his 4 days vacation time followed by his regular 2 days off. :)
  So we will leave on Sunday the 24th at about midnight after theatre rehersal and a nice nap and drive up to Anaheim, CA.
  We should arrive around 5:30am, we are planning to check in to the motel, drop our stuff off and then grab breakfast and take the dogs to the beach until about 7am.
  Then drop the dogs off and head to the park! :) (We are purchasing 2 5-day park hopper passes!)
  We are planning to stay at the parks all day monday (until they close at midnight!)
  Then back to the motel to hang out and sleep.
  
  Tuesday we will get up around 8am and have breakfast in the room, and then head to the park until they close at 10pm. Then back to the room for sleep.
  
  Wenesday we are going to have breakfast in the room and head to the park at about 9am until 9pm, then back to the room to hang out and enjoy ourselves.
  
  Thursday we will be at the park all day, breakfast out, and probably the beach that night followed by possibly going to a dance club.
  
  Friday we will be at the park all day until midnight then back to the room to pack up and sleep.
  
  Saturday morning we will check out and grab breakfast and go to the beach for a couple hours, then head on home! :)
  
  
  We are very excited about the prospect of this vacation.... our first vacation......together.
  Therefore we won't be TTC this cycle but instead trying in June. I want one nonbaby thinking week, a week of no charting or prenatals, no folic acid, no bed rest, no cervix checks, no fluid, and no sperm... we need this week away from life. We are excited! :)
  
  
  -Jess

Disneyland!

So we decided tonight we are going to Disneyland ...on the 25th (a Monday) in the early morning and hopefully arriving by 1p to spend the rest of the day (until they close at midnight)in the parks! :)

More information to come...as long as we can get Ethan the time off! :)

And yes, this is how I am coping with the failed cycle :)
BTW we are not trying this cycle.... I need a mental break from life! So that's what we are doing! Taking the dogs and going to cali!!!



-Jess

Not This Cycle

I started late.... wow am I baffled.
But... it was expected and I am not dissapointed!

We must be positive about this... so on our positive notes:
This gives us more time to put more money away.
Being in your 1st trimester sucks during summer or so my mother informed me.

That's all I got.

I refuse to be sad about this.

Anyway, onword to next month.
We are using our known donor and 1 sperm sample from the bank :)

So I will order that on Monday the 11th so it's here on the 13th! :)

Onward, to the next cycle!!! :)


-Jess

14 DPO

So no AF yet...still.
And absolutley NO sign of her!

I'm still super fatigued and gassy and I found LOADS more veins this morning, all over! Oh yea and there are lots of little bumps on my nipples. :)

Wow I never thought I would be sooo excited to be in pain!!


-Jess

Swine Flu

So I am all nervous since I am listening to the President's Press Conference




So I looked it up and found a few links for anyone ttc or pregnant... :) decent, comon sense information:
1. http://pregnancy.about.com/b/2009/04/27/swine-flu-and-pregnancy.htm
Information on Swine Flu & Pregnancy.
2. http://pregnancy.about.com/od/healthduringpreg/a/coldsandflu.htm
How to deal with colds & flus while pregnant.
3. http://pregnancy.about.com/od/medicationinpreg/qt/coldsmedspreg.htm
Medications to take for cold or flu while pregnant.

That made me feel better, hope it helps others! :)


-Jess

Why I Wish We Lived In A More Open & Accepting World...

This was posted on Yahoo! Answers... I like to go and read the questions and answer the ones that I am capable of.
It was an answer to a question from a mom of a pregnant 19 year old teen...
-------------------------------------------
Basics for being a successful parent
(the ideal situation)
be at least 21 (25+ is best)
Uh... Em is 22 and I am 20... I will be 21 when baby is born, why will this make me a better parent than I would be, say tomorrow?!

be married (or have life partner)
I agree with this however I *do* support single parenting by choice when the situation is correct (note I didn't say "optimal")

both have careers (not just jobs)
Niether of us have careers... Em starts his next year and I am going to be a SAHM (stay at home mom)

both have degrees
I have a degree but I will never use it, Em graduates next year with 2 associates.

both own cars
why on earth is this a necessity? We own a truck! And as I have explained before we will have the airbags disabled and we have chosen a carseat that will fit until we can trade it in for a 4runner or something of the like.

have at least $5,000 in savings just for the baby
We have a savings (long term and baby) but the baby savings is just to purchase the stuff baby will need during the first year of life.

*any idiot can have sex, but it takes much more to be a responsible, mature and financially stable parent
-------------------------------------------

I don't know why I am posting this but it's really aggravating that I am going to be judged on my age for a child that has been thought out and planned for.... financially, emotionally and physically! I hate how people judge others... I mean come on, it would be one thing if we weren't committed and had our sh!t together ...but we do. We understand a baby is forever, it isn't a puppy, it's life changing but not necessarily all in negative ways...

With the plan we have now we are going to have 1 baby every 4 years.... so my kids ill be 0, 4, 8, and 12 and I will be 33 and E.M. will be 35 when we are done... that's perfect for us... we will be able to be active in our children's lives and enjoy their childhoods with them instead of from afar.

Ack, ok end vent.


-Jess

13 DPO continued.

Took an hour and a half nap and woke up in cold sweats.
Also it seems that everytime I lay down my heart beat picks up, I looked it up and it seems like a normal sign of early pregnancy (usually starting as early as 4 weeks gestation - if we are pregnant we just entered week 5) This started for me 48 hours ago with the nightmares.

Oh also my areolas are darker and larger than 2 days ago and I am experiencing more "tugging" sensation around my belly button area.

That's all for now,
Jess

Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are! 13 DPO

Ohhhh AF......come out and play, otherwise I expect a positive HPT!!

No sign.
Yesterday, as mentioned, I swore it was going to start so I did everything I normally do (from taking a hot bath to rubbing my tummy and everything in between) to get AF to start. I fully prepared myself to wake up this morning and to be bleeding.... but... nothing.

Instead I had 2 dreams about getting a positive HPT! <3

Oh, and a dream I had not last night but the night before...
I stuck my child in the OVEN....and said something to EM and he took me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom and told me it'd be okay.... the baby was fine... I woke up in tears (eh, disclaimer, I would never ever under any circumstance do this.... it was simply a dream!)

That's all for now, more to come later.


-Jess

Going Insane - 12 DPO

So I haven't started AF yet, I got about 7 hours of sleep last night and then took a 3 hour nap with E.M. and I'm still exhausted but I am cooking dinner (vegitarrian meatloaf, yummy!).

Anyway my dull back pain is way worse, about 3/4th of what it was last week (Thursday or Friday) when I thought the egg may have started the implantation ...cramps aren't really cramps (like I explained last night).

Last night my cervix had dropped, was firm, and slightly open -- like it was preparing for AF. This morning it was higher, softer, and shut. So I am happier about that... I was really freaked last night. :(

My temp is still above coverline.... if my temp stays up for 2 to 4 more days it should be a good indicator that I am knocked up. Also, if last night/yesterday was the end of implantation (when bleeding will occur) my HCg levels will rise over the next 3 to 7 days and hopefully if no AF appears will give me a positive test.

This am was negative, not testing tomorrow, testing wenesday if no AF, not testing Thursday unless I get a faint line Wenesday, and testing Friday and not on Saturday unless I get a faint line on Friday. :)

I would be more at ease if I wasn't jumping up every 10 to 30 minutes to a. go pee and b. check that the "gushing" feeling at my crotch isn't gushing blood! :(
So that's all for now, I will keep you updated!

Pain & Testing

So I realized a little bit ago my period should start tomorrow. :(
I thought it was the 26th for some reason, then EM pointed out it's the 27th meaning tomorrow is the 28th, the day my period should show her ugly face :(

I'm hopeful ...but trying not to be excited... since I have experienced all these symptoms. The only crappy thing is I have bad cramps...not normal cramps per say....just cramps... I described it to EM earlier as pressure... it's a dull aching pain above my left hip and odd pulling/stretching at my belly button off and on but that doesn't necessarily hurt... also I have a dull pressure in my lover back about 3 inches above my butt and in my knees >.<

So there is a good chance this is premenstrual.... and that saddens me.

If it is I am going to the Dr. to find out what the hell is up with the brown discharge! That's just icky. And TMI.


-Jess

Food Ramble

Did you know the watermelon hydrates you?
So if you aren't a big water drinker (like me) you can eat watermelon and it will help keep you hydrated which is fantastic especially now that I can't seem to keep my thirst quenched and ive completley cut soda and coffee and tea even!

Also it has loads of vitamin b which is what gives you energy! Also fantastic since I have been super sluggish and fatigued for the last week! :)

Oh and it's also a good source of antioxidents (to keep you healthy and can even prevent colon cancer, arthritus, asthma, osteoperosis and heart disease!) and vitamin A & C!!

This is great! :)
Not only all of the information above BUT I can eat more than 5 bites without feeling like I am going to throw it up!!!!


-Jess

11 DPO

So 11 DPO and my bb temp is still above the 98.3 coverline. :)
I'm cranky, onry, and hungry loads.

We went shopping this morning and picked up 40$ in fresh food including watermelon, a few apples, some easy cooks (premade meatloaf, microwavable vegitarian lasagna, etc)

I am super sad about the stretch marks so I am going to try and eat healthier than usual even if im not knocked up this cycle... I noticed today my loved handles are gone - it's like the fat from there moved to my stomache (I think I said this in my last post... hmm).

Anyway the main reason for this post is really, truly TMI but hey, a woman on a mission has gotta log this stuff somewhere, right?

TMI:
What Em and I are perceiving as implantation bleeding last night and this morning.... really super light yesterday, I basically had to LOOK for the brown spots. Today when I changed the pad I had a line of brown from middle to front ....not thick and still a very small amount. Definitley not normal discharge or a normal period! I tested this am ...as promised.... and as expected a negative. I decided I wouldn't test tomorrow am but instead wait until Wenesday and if it's negative I will just expect AF ...if no AF shows by Friday AM I will test again, repeating every 48 hours.
End TMI.

So that about sums it all up! :) I'm still not counting calories as I am afraid it will make me go nuts trying not to gain too much weight.

Instead of calorie counting I have decided that until Doc tells me I am too fat and need to not gain wait I will let myself eat as much as I want as long as I crush candy, fast food, ice cream, chips, etc.... it helps we went ahead and bought a full watermelon which I forced myself to cut up when I got a tiny burst of energy.
Also I have been drinking 8 oz of OJ daily, taking a prenatal supplement, and drinking a lot of water.

To Buy:
Fish Oil Capsules (daily)
Vitamin E Oil/Cream (Apply once daily to stretch marks)
100% Pure Mink Oil (Apply twice daily to stretch marks)
Vitamin A Moisturizer (Apply once daily to stretch marks)


Oh yea and for good measure I had a horrible headache that was threatening to turn into a migraine so I took a 600mg motrin at 130p today.


More to come as always,
Jess

10 DPO Extended.

So I had heartburn once I got in the car this afternoon and it lasted from about noon to 2:30p and then started up again are 4:45p and now it's gone but I am full of burps.

Also we have been looking at my body daily and we found 5 to 10 new veins that have "popped" out to the surface of the skin and sadly about 10 more stretch marks. I only know the stretch marks are new because all my old ones are white and the new ones are pink-purpleish! :(

I think I've gained about 5 pounds and my chest has gone up a half cup (at least)....also I was chunky to begin with ....chunky and wide... BUT in the last 4 or 5 days the fat from the width of my stomach has moved forward ...sorta like a beer belly I've never ever had before.

I received a negative on this mornings HPT.
Like stated before I am not SUPPOSE to test before Thursday but I will continue to use dollar store tests every morning as the expected negative is easier for me to deal with than just getting AF! :)

We stoped by target on our way home from rehersal and looked at the dresser we want.... well wanted. But it is flimsy and crappy looking....the picture makes it look so great.... it seriously looks like a huge waste of money so we have no idea what we are doing for a dresser now sigh!

Alright that's all for now.
More later!!


-Jess

9 & 10 DPO

Sorry I didn't post yeterday -- Weekends are hectic since I have rehersal Saturday and Sundays for the next 6 weeks!

We are being assigned our roles today and I am testing daily because it makes me feel better to continue receiving negatives, false or otherwise, the consistency is refreshing. For the record, I am someone who does not enjoy being in limbo or anyother state of unknown. I very much love control and so what have I done? Submerged us in to the biggest rollercoaster of unknown ever. I am exhausted, yet I can't sleep. I am hungry, yet when I eat I feel overly full, almost pukish and sometimes acquire heartbearn! My boobs hurt and im sure if an expert map reader were to take one look at all the friggen' blue veins that have appeared in the last 10 days he'd be able to tell you about secret passageways deep under the ground >,<

Oh yea and im so PMS'ish moody it's not even funny! :insert frustrated face here:

:sigh:


-Jess

8 DPO

Ok Im convinced I am going to start AF early.
I'm having AF cramps :(

All I keep reminding myself is:
We weren't expecting to conceive this month -- you were expecting AF so there is no need to be upset! :)

Yes, now to continue telling myself that and make my back stop aching.
At least as soon as I start I can take some fricken' motrin for the cramps/back ache! :)

Yes, I must continue to find the positives in all of this... right?!

...Oh if it's any consolation I had a mid-grade fever 99.something yesterday and today a bit of a dip -- I am still about my coverline though... and I read somewhere if you remain above your coverline for 10+ days you're pregnant or ill... meh.

And...for some reason I can't stop reading about testing (it's all I can do to not go waste another test by testing too early...) and I read that you can get a + result as early as 9dpo if you were to implant at 6 or 7 dpo.... and IF we conceived this cycle I am assuming the raise in temp with slight drop this morning and back pain was implantation.... if not I am assuming I will get AF early this cycle... I'm feeling very AFish.

I guess I will just have to force myself to remain somewhat patient and just wait it out -- there is nothing else to do! :)

Meds: (I hadn't taken anything since Wenesday night when I applied the lidocaine lotion!)
1pm - Sulfadiazine Cream 50GM thin layer on each shoulder


-Jess

Mom Called

And asked how I was feeling. Creepy. Very creepy.

It was sweet though... she said something I have never heard her say before... to me or E.M. that is... "I support you both even though I don't know how you feel about the situation" (The using donor sperm, the stress of actually TTC and not just doing the "hanky panky", etc.

Yes, that was the whole reason I updated! :)


-Jess

7 DPO! I caved...

Ok first of all I know when I am suppose to test!
IF all the horrid back pain yesterday was from implantation (As it has seemed to lessen quite dramatically today!) I wont receive a positive test until AT LEAST Monday. But I tested today reguardless... I had a dream it came out "unknown" (digital - which i refuse to buy until I take like 20 walmart brand ones -- ok maybe not 20) Anyway so I got up and had to pee horridly.... I dont think ive peed that much ever unless I had had to hold it ALL day!

Anyway I knew itd be negative and it was. I tossed it out. After all I am only 7 DPO! Good news? Even though I wasted a test this will keep me at bay until Monday or so... as like mentioned yesterday I will NOT test on the weekend because I cannot take the chance of being distracted while rehersing. :)

So that's that. BFN ....funny, it was an expected BFN so I am perfectly okay with it -- I am not upset because I know there is a good chance it is a false BFN.

Other than that I am feeling fine this morning... I got up at 1230p and am letting E.M. sleep until about 4pm if he wants... that will give him some much needed zzz's (about 8 hours, roughly triple what he is use to! :) )

So that's it... minimal back pain (although I am sneezing!) and a slight headahe but nothing near as severe as yesterday! :)

Ok I will update later!!


-Jess

Still Can't Sleep

I found this interesting:

HPT Accuracy Results Percentages:
(Based on a 25mIU sensitive test)
10 dpo : 35%
11 dpo : 51%
12 dpo : 62%
13 dpo : 68%
14 dpo : 74%
15 dpo : 80%
16 dpo : 88%
17 dpo : 92%

...And all my HPT's are 25mIU sensitive! :)
I have 5.

So...
I was thinking I will test on Monday (11DPO)
If BFN I will test again on Wenesday if no AF (13DPO)
If BFN I will test again on Friday if no AF (15DPO)

If still BFN I will stop testing and await AF! :)
I don't care as long as she hurries up and gets here; there's always next month right?

I am trying very hard to not over analyze everything (some things you just can't ignore though: Brand new back pain i've never experienced, etc).

Anyway I am preparing to purchase more sperm next cycle and for AF to come on time on the 29th and still hoping (and praying) for a BFP.

I am also trying to NOT test on Saturday or Sundays since it'd be in the AM and I have rehersal at noon both days, every weekend for a play I am in... and I don't think I will be able to focus with a BFN fresh in my mind/memory! :(

Ok, done rambling... I think I will goto bed and wait on E.M.


-Jess

I'm Either Pregnant or I've Lost My Fucking Mind!

OK back story...
I hate roaches. The small ones Im not horrid with but anything bigger than a half inch and Im totally freaked out.

Ok, so I wasnt tired until 4am - I finally say good night to E.M. and head for bed -- I shut down the computer, go pee, put away any food I had out, and change the potty pad... well that was my first sign, piss on my floor and my fucking rug -- the only damned piece of carpet in the entire apartment and only 4 inches of it is showing!! And its pee'd on!

So I shove the dogs' noses in it, spank them and ban them to the livingroom. Fine!
Ok so 2 of the 3 kitties are in the room with me ...both watching a fly... or so I thought.
Then for some reason 10 minutes AFTER laying down I decide to see what theyre concentrating so hard on!

You guessed it - big old 1 inch roach!

So I basically went into hysteria.... Im sobbing and gagging and hyperventilating and tearing my apartment apart for the damn bug spray... I finally find it and 5 minutes later muster up the courage to murder the thing... still sobbing.

Then I run (sobbing) from the bedroom and now I am feeling really guilty because I locked my kitties in there and I can't stop crying.

And E just doesn't get it. :(


(I better be pregnant, otherwise I'm signing myself into a psych ward -- this is effin' ridiculous!)


-Jess

Backache & Meds

So this backache is only getting worse... its dull aching feeling in my mid to lower back still. :(

TMI:
I checked my cervix and it's high, firm, and closed....but it is also like... pointy... where the closed opening is... it's odd.
End TMI.

And then at 6pm
I put a thin layer of lidocaine lotion on each of my shoulders.

I also took a nap -- something I don't ever do. It was about an hour and a half long and I am still exhausted.


-Jess

6 DPO and Medications

E.M. went out and got me the lidocaine lotion :)
So...
1135a
-1 600MG Motrin
-Applied a thin layer of Lidocaine HCI 3% Lotion to the tops of my shoulders
-A thin layer of the Silver Sulfadiazine Cream 50GM also on top of my shoulders.

And that is helping so so so much! It isn't even funny -- we should have gone to the doctor on Sunday! Gee! I totally suffered for absolutley no reason! :(

Super tired today but I am chalking that up to the Vicodin last night. Not nauseaus until I swallow the prenatals and even then it is minimal -- I am crossing my fingers for implantation bleeding this week! That is like a early red flashing sign "hey you're knocked up!" haha. Oh and I also have some lower....well no... more like middle-back pain and only on the left side?!

Anyway that's about all for an update -- I know I am super boring lately.
Oh well, more to come as always!


-Jess

5DPO & Med List for own Reference.

So... I wasn't suppose to go anywhere Saturday... but we did. We went to pride -- I was going stir crazy and there is a GOOD possibility that if I receive a BFP I will be put on strict bedrest. :(

So we went out to Pride and only stayed there about 3 hours - I sat down a lot and we took it very slow... however I received a rather BAD sunburn that I self diagnosed last night as 2nd degree. It is super red (redder than my beautiful couch) and has bad blisters.

Because of the blisters I knew this meant it burned down to the blood vessels and I was risking infection. So we went to urgent care this afternoon and saw a doctor. I wore a button down and my face and arms are pink....well, really more like cherry red. But they don't hurt and haven't blistered. I was sitting there explaining to the doctor that I wouldn't normally come in but this is the worst sun burn ive ever had and all he can see is the cherry pink skin color and I see him thinking "seriously? that's a 1st degree burn" so I take my shirt off and his face totally dropped... It's a pretty bad 2nd degree burn. He said he had no problem giving my pain meds and it doesn't look infected (yet) but he still wanted me to do some antibiotics just incase. Then I explained I'm trying to get pregnant and their is a possibility I could be and I only wanted Class A or B drugs if at all possible. (( Drugs are classified for Pregnancy as A,B,C,D or X ...A being not harmful at all [benadryl] and X being very harmful, causing fetal demise or miscarriage )) And I was worried he would judge me (Afterall he had my birthdate in front of him) but he wasnt! It was great. Instead of prescribing me Tylenol #3 with Codeine or Percocet he told me it's quite commong to prescribe vicodin during pregnancy and as long as I don't over take it it should be fine! :) He even offered to give me a pregnancy test! I nicely declined and explained I am only 5DPO and he agreed itd come up negative even if I am positive since it more than likely hasn't implanted yet. I think he was confused (or releived) that I knew what I was talking about as far as only requesting class A or B drugs. He did explain that Ib Prophin (which he prescribed) isn't considered harmful in the early stages of pregnancy and I could take it to releive the swelling in my shoulders. He also prescribed me Silver Sulfadiazine Cream (50GM) for an antibiotic since it's topical vs. a pill that could affect baby! :) Last but not least he also prescribed me a topical lidocaine cream but the pharmacy was out of it so they ordered it for morning! He was really great and asked me to come back for a follow up on Thursday to make sure it was healing properly because he expects it to continue blistering for the next 24 hours! :(

Anyway anytime I take anything I am logging it here so I can scribble it down for my first OB Appt. when I get a BFP.

730P
1 Vicodin (hydrocodone/Apap) 5mg/500mg
1 Motrin 600MG
1 Thin Layer of Silver Sulfadiazine Cream 50GM (on top of shoulders)


Other than that I can't tell if anything else is odd or off because I am rather drugged... it's the first time I haven't been in severe pain in a few days.

Oh, one other thing my blood pressure read 146/98 this afternoon... odd for me because I normally am able to maintain a BP close to the normal 120/60 :(
We will watch it! :)


-Jess

Tired & Gassy

So I am super gassy.... like burping 2 to 4 times an hour and lots of ...um... farting. :(

On top of that Ive only been up 6 hours and I am so friggen tired it isn't funny.... this cycle is kicking my ass... seriously. :(

:crosses fingers for BFP!:

Just documenting anything out of the ordinary so that IF the test is a BFP I can right out a day by day of symptoms and temps for next preg :)

I will probably do this every cycle... And E.M. and I decided that during our 2ww we will do puzzles! One per 2ww! Right now we are doing a 750 piece jigsaw puzzle his mom gave us a year or so ago! :) It's frustrating enough to take my mind mostly off the 2ww... obviously not at this moment as I continue to blab about it.

I guess I am anxious to test but at the same time I'm not because I don't want to see a BFN. Does that make any sense?? Ahh, oh well.


-Jess

4 DPO

4 DPO and I slept 11 hours last night which was odd.
No more cramps as of lately just achey.

And my boobs are still hurting.... so much so I slept in a sports bra last night (something that doesn't ever happen). :)

I keep tell E.M. it's JUST ovulation stuff....nothing special.
I'm so so so afraid to get excited because I have such a feeling the test will be a BFN (which is the main reason we are waiting until the 28th or 29th to test... I don't want to have to keep wondering! (28th is the day I am expecting my AF and 29ths is one day after, if I am feeling no signs of AF I will test on the 28th if I have symptoms I will take a warm bath and see if I can induce AF vs testing, wasting a test and still receiving a BFN).

:sigh:
I'm secretley hoping AF isn't coming this month but I honestly don't know -- I feel different but who knows if that means pregnancy their's a good chance I could be completley imagining all the "symptoms".


-Jess

OUCH!! (TMI Warning)

Ouch, my breasts are painful this evening. We are only 3 dpo ...but this isn't normal for me. Normally my chest aches when touched or groped directly before ovulation (and it did, then stopped and started again today). This is weird though, they are really heavy feeling and just...painful... also E.M. decided to point out this evening that the aeriola is darker and my nipples larger.... overall the breast looks swollen. It might just be a really really odd symptom from ovulating.

I noticed today that if I eat more then 10 bites per meal I get queasy...also a weird thing.
Other than that I am feeling perfectly normal. :)

That's the update :P

WTF?

Am I seriously laying here sobbing over skype?
Really?
Wtf is wrong with me??


-Jess

Gah.

So I can't sleep...I'm tired, kind of but I can't sleep...and I don't know why.
I also started sobbing over a prayer I read on one of the fertility sites I'm on...it was rather pathetic (me sobbing, not the prayer).

Yea...so.... I don't know.... Im having an argument over yahoo messenger with E.M. about nonsense. Baiscally we are arguing over having a real argument in person because he's never home. Seriously, the most I've seen him in about a month has been for rehersal on Saturdays and for the inseminations this cycle...

I'm trying to be nice and explain I miss him....a lot. I'm trying not to be clingy, or immature about the situation. I *know* I can't have my way....I know he is being responsible and taking care of us and finishing school and making it so that we can try for a baby and I can stay home and not stress.... so why am I in tears? I mean...I miss having a fight in person.... that's pretty pathetic. I miss his kisses, him cuddling me, him holding me and touching my tummy.... I miss it all. I miss him in general.

Gah...and on top of this stupid emotional crap I have cramps and lots of lower back pain :(


-Jess

2 Week Wait...and Paranoia!!!

So I am pretty calm and relaxed.... I decided to try and figure out when I can pee.... since I really really need to. Well... Ive been laying with my legs up, butt propped for about an hour and 15 minutes and I won't move for another 45 minutes....and then it will just be on my side...

So I was googling how long to wait before peeing, and everything I read says it doesn't matter if you pee 10 minutes or 2 hours after insemination because your uretha is different from the cervix where the sperm go... Okay, fine.

Do I listen?
Nope. Still laying here with my butt propped up for another 45 minutes! Paranoid? Probably.

Anyway I started reading all these things women do during the 2WW ...paranoid things. Sadly I've totally started doing them >.<

-Not scooping kitty box (DF's job now!)
-Not wearing tight pants.
-Trying to lay on left side or back only!
-Refusing to lift anything heavier than 4 lbs.
-Staying over hydrated.
-Not peeing afte insemination.
-Triple checking the positive OPT results.

There are loads more online but those ones fit us perfectly so far! :)


-Jess

de ja vue

I'm laying on my back again ...this time alone as E.M. took James home! :)
We inseminated at 345p for a second time.... so 3 hours after 1st OPT +... and then 8 hours after second OPT+ (21 hours after 1st OPT+).

We went to Babies R Us for a little fun shopping.... picked up some toy keys and a Baby On Board magnet :) We actually meant to spend 100$ (the Rent.com Visa card I just got) but James had to get back home for some family issues.... so we sped it up and instead of putting the few things down just took it out of the checking account -- reasoning behind this is I read the fine print on the papers that come with the visa card and they charge 2$ for EACH transaction as well as $5 for each month there's a balance on it >.< So we want to spend it this month, all at once... we may just use it for the dresser! :)

OH!!! We got the rocker! Good condition, super comfy and it looks nice in the livingroom... only flaws are typical wear "cracks" but nothing that wouldn't have happened from typical wear and tear on a new one.... when I am allowed to get out of bed I will take pictures :)

That's all for now!


-Jess

Hoping.

Here's to hoping the next 12 days go by quickly with no sign of AF! :)

Anyway, I guess I am on a journey to find a good board to post on...it seems like all but one has LOADS of drama and judging. :sigh:

So I don't really know the "real" plan for the day but I know that Em is showering and James and I are sitting here talking... about the baby.

After E.m is done bathing we will eat probably and then inseminate then store and take him home and then grab the chair and come home! :)


-Jess

TTC

So we just ttc this evening with insemination number 1!! Ive been in bed since 930pm "taking it easy" so as to keep Em satisfied that we are doing all we can to encourage implantation.

:sigh:

Wouldn't it be great if this round stuck??
No pesky repeat inseminations, no ordering from the bank....just a BFP.
Yes, I am fully aware that this is very, very wishful thinking and more than likely NOT likely.

We will inseminate once more tomorrow just to add to the little swimmers and give us a second shot.
Hopefully, something will stick....if not I am fully prepared to order frozen sperm next cycle AND drive my baby-makin' ass out to BFE to pick up our good friend to donate again! :)

So, I'm bored and tired and very much anticipating my AF ...but secretly praying she doesn't show.

I've been nauseus since 950p....
Hmm.....coinsidence or....?!


-Jess

Good News VS Bad News

Good News:
I just got a positive ov. test! Meaning tomorrow mornings will be pos. too and we can try tomorrow!!!!!!

and

Our rent.com 100$ reward visa card just came in the mail!! So we are totally gonna buy baby stuff with it!


Bad News:
Ethan was put in charge of maintaining our known-donors contact info. and it seems he has lost it. I'm trying not to be angry but it's getting increasingly harder.... >.< Such a little thing I put him in charge of and he can't handle it (yea, im annoyed....and frustrated).




-Jess

Buying our Rocker/Ottoman

So tomorrow we are going to pick up our rocker & ottoman... This month I was going to purchase our dresser but changed my mind when I found a neat rocker on CL for 75$ ....better yet? It has an ottoman. Even better? The guy is willing to accept $60!!!!

:dance:

-Jess

Temp & OPT

Negative... but darker! (Both last night and this morning!)

98.3 F at 830a when I awoke!!

And that's it... jee I hate hate hate waiting! :( So impatient. I hope our donor is a laid back patient guy cause I really don't want our child to be impatient....seriously I've tried to break myself of it but so far (20 years...) no luck!

Gah, :pokes belly: OVULATE!


-Jess

The Sims 3

Aside from baby stuff and wow and *Attempting* to be a wonderful sah wife to be.... I am anticipating the sims 3...



Yes, I said it. Im horrible. lol!
I just wanted to post the **official** countdown on my blog :)


-Jess

Temp // OPT

Last night's OPT was negative but a little darker than it's been.
This morning's was negative as well, same shade. :)

Temp was 98.1 -- back to normal.

And we received both of the AI kits this morning too!

So we are all set... it looks like I will get a positive OPT on Thursday or Friday.


:) Yes, We are thrilled. <3


-Jess

Temp & OPT's + small update.

Temp this AM was back to 98.2
A couple cups of water yesterday and a few today too (2 to 3)

Last night at 6p I did another OPT -- it was negative.
As was this mornings but I am seeing a visible line now! :)

Oh and last night I took my temp out of curiousity -- 99.9 >.<

Being sick while ovulating is NOT okay. Why didn't my body get that memo?!


We went through the DVD's yesterday and divided kid vs adult movies....put kid movies closer to the ground and adult movies higher up! Then we went ahead and sorted through the books on the 2nd bookcase and put some in a sell pile, a lot in the storage pile and then divided what was left between "kid" and "adult". Then moved the bookcase so that there is a place for the rocking chair and ottoman in the livingroom and put kid books lower to the ground and adult books higher. :)

Anyway nothing else to update.


-Jess

Same Old Same Old

Temp: 97.2 (yea talk about a dip... wtf?!)
Water intake yeserday - 2 cups (24 oz...I hate water ><) + 2 water bottles (16oz each?) I started charting everything of FF so when I have patience to search how to add the chart I will.... or at least a link to the chart. TMI Warning: (Talk of cervical mucus and the likes...) Another negative this morning but my Cervix raised and began to open (was partially open last night before bed, but was still low) this morning it was higher and open the same amount but now medium instead of firm! Also mucus is becoming white and creamy but is still definitley sticky. Once agan all logged on the chart! :) TMI Warning Over. lol.


-Jess

Ordered AI Kits

I think I may have forgotten to post that we did purchase the Sterile Artificial Insem. Kits... only 2 to start as I am curious to see the size (length) of the syringe included....there is also a cath. that we are planning to use.

Anyway, just logging everything... or trying to! :)


-Jess

OPT & Temp.

Temp.: 98.1 ...again. (Temped at 5a vs 3a...still as soon as I woke up).

OPT - Negative, as scheduled. I did get a faint second line, however not enough to warrant a second test today. Testing will continue tomorrow am as scheduled at 5am. :)

-Jess

Water Intake for Friday

Got a late start this morning even though I was up at 3am ..E.M. took the jugs of water to work to fill them up because tap water in AZ is horrid and unhealthy >.<>

Anyway... on with it...

8am - 8 0z (1 cup)

9am - 16 oz (2 cups)

10am - 8 oz (1 cups)

11am - 0
12pm - 8 oz (1 cup)

1pm - 0

2pm - 8 oz (1 cup)

3pm - 8 oz (1 cup)

Total = 7 cups // 56 oz

I couldn't get into the water today, oh well, tomorrow is another day.

-Jess

OPT For Today + Temp.

I did the first OPT this morning as scheduled.... and it's negative, as scheduled.

E.M. and I decided that anytime we don't see 2 lines we won't double test that day, so I won't be testing today at 5pm instead I will resume at 5am tomorrow morning. :)

Temp: 98.1

Have a good morning all,

-Jess

Fantastic News in the Form of One Little E-Mail!

Are you ready?!???

Our paperwork has been processed and we are now able to purchase sperm!!!!!
That's right we are no longer sperm-less! ...well we are for the moment.... but we don't have to be!

No more trying to find a donor, getting them to sign the papers, testing them, etc.

We are going to order our first vial May 1st for May's cycle!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!

We are crazy excited; can't you tell? Haha!!!!!!!!

I read the email outloud and E.M. and I totally high fived...it was cute.


-Jess

E.M. has sperm!

Okay, not really but... I sure thought he did for a whole 5 seconds!
We were talking about a news article that read along the lines of Military Wives turning to surrogacy/AI to have a baby while their husbands were on duty out of Country/State.

We were saying how it's an interesting idea and I was talking about how our sperm bank offers (for a fee of course) to store sperm from a husband or partner to use at a later date and some Military Wives are taking advantage of this! Then I went on to say "yea it's a good idea if you ever leave the country or are dying we should store your sperm" .... .... .... .... "wait....I totally just thought you had sperm..." Meanwhile E.M. is busting up.

Yea, oops. It's like with all this baby planning my brain farted and I forgot WHY we are using a sperm bank. Wow.


-Jess

Water Intake and Temp for Thursday

I will be posting this daily for my own reference.



Temp.: 98.4

Water In-Take Goal: 10 8 oz glasses (80 oz)

Water:
4am - 8 oz (1 cup)
5am - 16 oz (2 cups)
6am - 24 oz (3 cups)
7am - 8oz (1 cup)
8am - 0 oz
9am - 8 oz (1 cup)
10am - 0 oz
11am - 0 oz
12pm - 0 oz
1pm - 0 oz
2pm - 0 oz
3pm - 0 oz
4pm - 8 oz (1 cup)
= 9 Cups ...72 oz of water.

**Being well hydrated is suppose to help your overall health AND regularity of ovulation/period**

The Jewel Box Home: Ten Tips for Raising Children in a Smaller Home

The Jewel Box Home: Ten Tips for Raising Children in a Smaller Home

To go on from rearing children in a small place/apartment... I agree with most of the tips posted in the above linked blog :)


-Jess

Rearing Children In An Apartment

Did you know that some families in NYC raise up to 4 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment?

I'm not sure why some people think that you need to have a huge area to raise a being at. I have been intently searching advice on google (As well as good things to buy such as furniture that can be used for multiple purposes and for multiple years!)
Now we have a plan...
-We are buying a dresser and changing pad with covers for next to the couch... between our livingroom and dining area.
-We are buying a booster seat with tray that attaches to one of our already existing 4 dining chairs instead of a large high chair.
-We are buying a bouncer seat vs. a bassinette to keep in livingroom or a swing due to size.
-We are buying a full size crib and mattress that can be used in a toddler bed later... the crib will fit between the wall and bed and E.M. and I have decided we will switch sides since I am breastfeeding and need to be close to baby.
-We are selling our two 20-tall tanks (one with stand) and a 10 gallon to make room in our livingroom.
-We are buying a glider and rocker set and placing it next to the couch and end table (the end table has the 10 gallon tank on it) then placing the breast pump and supplies in the end table.
-We are buying playmats from BRU vs. a floor rug for tummy time.
-We are buying a wood shelf (double shelf really) which has 6 12in x 12in cube buckets to put toys in... next to our tv.
-We are going to utilize our folable bookcase on the other side of the tv for larger toys.
-We are buying a stuffed animal chain to hang next to toy bins since stuffed animals take a lot of room in bins.
-We have chosen a beautiful wicker chest of drawers for the closet that is currently being used as storage but will be cleaned out before baby is home. We plan to use this for bath supplies, extra breastfeeding supplies, etc. The neat thing is the cheat itself is wood but the baskets are just that, wicker baskets that fully come OUT so you can take the one with the bath supplies out to bathe the baby.
-Bath time will be in the kitchen sink... no need to waste money/room on a baby bathtub.

Really other than all of that we are just planning to condense our belongings some more.
This is a good thing because I am sure there is a few hundred dollars worth of stuff we can sell and then put that money toward the baby (Ok Im sitting here looking at a tv and 2 aquariums...)


I don't know why people think they can't raise a child (or 2) in a one bedroom apartment. It is possible and I think if we decide to stay here for number 2 (99% sure we wont) we will buy a new couch when that baby comes home, one with a pull-out bed. Then our 3 or 4 year old will simply learn to help us make and unmake the bed every day :)

I think it is more than entirely possible it depends on the layout of your apartment (ours is spacious even if it does have less than 700 sq. ft.) and the amount of baby gear you plan to have (us, very little, not even a stroller as we don't go places that dont have carts and we are planning to practice baby wearing). You also have to be willing to part with bulky and large possessions and be creative ...we installed floating shelves in our livingroom for breakables and a 3-pc leaning bookcase in the bedroom.


That's just my 2-cents.
-Jess

Good Non-Baby Related News

Sort of.
E.M. had a phone interview yesterday morning with the Apple Store and it sounds like he is going to be hired!! The lady said she would email him in 2 weeks with the "next steps" of the process.

With the onset of ttc we have chosen to postpone his school 1 semester. Instead of taking classes during the summer he will work at both jobs for 6 months (his current one part time nights and the Apple Store full time days) then he will quit his current job. The whole point in him doing this is our bills can come out of the money earned from the part time job is going into the baby savings account :)

This is great news and will give us lots of room to breathe and get everything we want for the baby including 3d/4d sonogram session and a video camera. All it really means is the E.M. will be taking his math class and doing 1 of his 2 80 hour internships next spring (2010) before baby is born. Therefore it is putting off graduation by one semester. No big deal. :)

Also we decided (After measuring) that the fold up changing table isn't going to work so we are going to purchase a slightly used chest of drawers (5+) and place a changing pad on top.

We also figured out what we are selling vs putting in the storage shed and how we are rearranging the apartment to accomodate baby things and a whole other person! :)


-Jess

Month 1 - TTC Preparation

So the goal for a "planned pregnancy" IMO is so we can prepare and have ample finances and support available to us! :)

Now, since that's the goal... onward to Month 1's purchase (each month we will purchase 1 baby related item that is inexpensive so that we can gather a good amount of things by the time we actually conceive....this also makes me happy and satisfies my feelings of need to buy bigger things until we hear a heartbeat!)

Socks!


And of course something you will see each month...


So....wish us baby dust and please pray for our little family (if prayer is your thing).


-Jess

OPK & TTC

So I am confused beyond all belief and it seems the more I read online the more complicated timing insemination becomes.

I think we have our plan down... For this month:
Test for OPK+ every day @ 5pm/5am (starting the 12th)
Once a + result shows we will invite our donor over (he already knows the dates in which we will be stealing him away from his life for a day)...
Inseminate at 9am (4 or 16 hours after +)
Have breakfast, watch a couple movies.
Have lunch, enjoy eachother's company.
Re-inseminate @ 5pm (12 to 24 hours after +)
E.M. will take him home. E.M. will go to work.
Test for BFP/BFN on the 28th.

For other months when we are planning to combine both his sperm and our vials from the sperm bank together we are planning on following this plan:
Test for OPK+ every day @ 5am & 5pm
Order vials (as they will stay frozen for 3wks in dewars) on 2nd day of testing.
Once a + result shows we will invite our donor over.
Inseminate at 9am (4 to 16 hours after +)
Have breakfast, watch a couple movies.
Have lunch, enjoy eachother's company.
Re-inseminate @ 3pm (10 to 22 hours after +)
E.M. will take him home.
Inseminate with bought vial @ 9pm (16 to 28 hours after +)
E.M. will go to work.
Test for BFP/BFN on charted first day of period.

Hehe...

Anytime "My Girl" by The Temptations plays E.M. sings it to me it's so sweet....and May is the month we are going to start TTC w/vials from the 'bank'. :)

----------
I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).
I've got so much honey the bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.
I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).
Hey hey hey Hey hey hey
Ooooh. I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).
I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl

*dances*

The 'bank' received the paperwork! I got the confirmation email... followed by an email requesting proof that E.M. lives here because his proof of age/residency (licence) didn't match our new address.
So when he went to work tonight he took the front page of the lease and faxed it their way. :)

We are very excited!!!! Only a few more days until we can begin ordering the "other half of the baby"!


-Jess

How We *Think* Children Will Change Our Relationship

I posted the following on thenest.com on the SSH board.... it was a response to someone else's post.... I just don't want it to get lost in the load of responses/posts to come... It's something I would like to be able to refer back to. :)

--------------------
E.M.'s take on how children will change our relationship: "I honestly think they will bring us closer; because we will have to work together on a lot of it; a lot of what we do now we can do on our own. It's part of us, it's ours"

My take on how children will change our relationship: I am not too sure, I know E.M. and I have spoken about making it a point to have dinner as a family every evening. to not lose our sex life, to not stop talking about our days (Even if they do consist of laundry and diapers and finger painting!) We've also spoken about making sure we go out once a month after the baby is a few months old for "adult" time.... goto dinner, go dancing, get a hotel room. Mommy and Papa time. I worry sometimes because we do fight... things I think should be common sense (taking the trash out when you leave for instance) aren't always what's on his mind... I've had to learn to be a bit more flexible and realize it won't make the house colapse if the dishwasher isn't unloaded the day it runs or there are absolutley no marks on the hard wood floor. I've had to realize that I didn't fall in love with E.M. for his cleaning habits I fell in love with him for his personality and eagerness to do right in all he does... much like I am sure he has had to remind himself he didn't fall in love with me for my temper that can sometimes get out of hand but for the reasons he loves me. I think as you spend more and more time with someone you do indeed take for granted the little things.... you just have to sit down and take a deep breath and remember to be together.... to make the time to be with one another.... if we waited for time to appear in our schedules I wouldn't have seen him since 2 christmas' ago... I believe much of what we have learned since becoming a couple will apply with children... and as always we will learn as we go.

Okay, Breathing Easier!

Awww thank heaven for my fantastic husband-to-be!
He saw how stressed I was and is not only making us food but looked up everything reguarding the way we mailed the envelope!!!

According to USPS.com
"Postcards, letters, large envelopes (flats) and small packages can be sent using First-Class Mail®. This service, along with Priority Mail and Express Mail, is ideal for sending personal correspondence, handwritten or typewritten letters, and bills or statements of account. It may also be used for advertisements and lightweight merchandise. First-Class Mail prices are based on both the shape and weight of the item being mailed. For items weighing more than 13 ounces, use Priority Mail."

Priority Mail is defined as 2-3 day delivery sooooo then I looked up about how long First Class Mail delivery is ...and it's 4-5 days!!!!!!!

Ahhh what a sigh of RELIEF!

Have a great day everyone! I will be calling the bank on Thursday afternoon to verify they have received it if I haven't received the confirmation email.

:)


-Jess

Shouldn't Have Called

I shouldn't have called the 'bank'... now I'm beyond nervous.
They haven't received our envelope!!

He said he isn't sure what's up with the mail... but that I can give them a call back toward the end of the week. I don't know why this makes me so uneasy... the paperwork was easy to fill out and I guess I am just second guessin myself ...I can't remember if we definitley filled out everything... but that may just be my nerves talking as I am sure I checked every paper twice! I don't know -- I was praying that they had received it yesterday and it had just been placed in the to-be filed stack and not gotten to yet.

Gah, now I am wondering if we DID send it 3-day or just regular. All the receipt says is "first class mail" ...IF we accidently selected regular postage in our euphoria of the prospect of filing the papers I will feel much more confident... I just don't know how to verify that detail. >,< oi vey.


-Jess

Music

So part of the birth plan that E.M. and I have had together for countless months (really, it's a sad thing, the amount of planning and thinking we have done for this child that has yet to be conceived!) we have stated that we want minimal interruptions during labor, lowered lights, quiet room, etc. and that we want to play our own music during labor and delivery. Now, if you know either of us in the slightest (offline) you know our every waking moment is filled of the sound of music -- hip hop, rap, pop, oldies, country, rock, alternative....anything but metal. So we have found some (specifically 66) songs that are calm, that embrace family and love, as well as embrace diversity but that are also soothing to me and compiled them on itunes as the "Labor and Delivery" playlist.

Anyway the point of this blog update is because I found the absolute most magnificent song ever... and E.M. likes it! :) So... I wanted to post the lyrics as it is a truly beautiful song.

--------------------
It Takes A Man :: Aaron Lines

She locked her fingers and bowed her head
She said I'm late, and I'm really scared
You can go, but I hope you stay
I'm gonna keep it, either way
In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield
I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child
I laid my head, down on the wheel
She said I know, I know, it don't seem real
She closed her eyes, tears flowed through
She said don't hate me, for loving you
In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child
Well I could not reassure her
I couldn't say what I had planned
Couldn't put three words together
So I just, took her hand
In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield
I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child
It takes a man


-Jess

BFP Dream on First Attempt

So now that I've had a chance to lougne around the house for a couple hours and recall my dreams from my sleep I remember only one in particular that is of great importance to me... I remember E.M. and I talking about trying that cycle and looking at the calendar and usddenly realizing my period was infact due that day, the 28th I remember (the day my period is due on this month) and looking at eachother, he said he had to go to work and asked how long at home test would take - I responded only a couple of minutes. I shuffled through the kitchen drawers (yea this is where I keep my new pregnancy and OPKs along with my prenatals!) and found the brand new box of 3 (which is indeed sitting in the drawer, once I remembered the dream I went and checked) I took them into the bathroom and peed on all 3.

I lined them up on the back of the toilet and stood there, door locked, staring at them.

All 3 were positive.



-Jess

I Wish I Had Fantastic News

But I don't.
Not yet anyway. Still no word from the 'bank' ....I hateeeeee waiting! >,<
Why is everything about creating a baby about waiting?! Hmmm?? God, you need to tell me so I understand and can hopefully gain more patience.

Anyway I totally opened up my ttcamiracle email account expecting to have an email confirmation stating that they did infact receive our papers and they were waiting to be filed (a roughly 5-day process) but no... not at all. Instead I found emails from babyzone.com and the like.

I think I told E.M. if we hadn't heard by Monday evening at shutting time we would make a point to call close to opening hours tomorrow morning.

So far this has all gone smoothly and I truly hope it continues to go that way as I am already beyond nervous with anticipation of what's to come.

Please keep thinking good thoughts as we pray we didn't forget any signatures or initials! :)



-Jess

Re: Washer for Cloth Diapers

Someone posted a comment saying that the washer E.M. and I chose may not be best for cloth diapers.... we did have a backup washer chosen....actually it was the one we found first, before the egg shaped one...

You can find this washer on walmart.com for about $200.00
It is suppose to hold 6.6 lbs and has wheels. I really like this and was actually debating buying it for just E.M. and I when we moved to our new place this year but chose to use the 200$ else where.

We like this one too... to the person who commented, thanks for pointing out what I had missed!

-Jess

The Arts

Yesterday was extrordinary.... E.M. and I went to a script readin of a play I've been asked to be in. I believe the Director was kind of confused as I have matured/grown up since I was last working on plays with her -- 3 years ago. I'm quieter now, I don't feel the need to be the center of all attention at every moment.

Anyway it was enjoyable.... a beautiful first draft on my generations take of "gay" (loose term with thise group -- encompasses the ENTIRE LGBTQAS community) history propped up by the heart wrenching and beautifully scripted stories told by past generations. Definitley something I am willing to commit to.

After the reading we went over to a cute little coffee shop; now when I say cute I mean.... grimey... but in a cute way... sort of. I suppose it would be one of those places you need to visit to truly understand the atmosphere. We walked in the front door (side door, rather) into a dimly lit pub of types, definitley not your typical coffee shop for downtown Phoenix. There were no business people dressed in suits or heels, instead there were college students and people with laptops who (I can only assume since I have taken on this whole "quiet" demeanor in public, only really speaking to E.M.) were writing, researching, etc. So we ordered a diet coke, split it, and headed of to the "Phoenix Fringe Festival" -- This is the last weekend and it was extrordinary. We are actually thinking of going to one other play today if we can away from cleaning my mother's house for the hour and a half. Last night we watched an almost silent play called 7(x1) Samarai ....It was one man and he acted out the entire show. The gist of the show is the the peasants are working in the fields and bandits of some sort came and took away all the crops (or whatever it was that they were cutting down), so the peasants get upset (both angry and sad) and one peasant decides to go find the Samari ...the first place he comes to he explains his story and they ask for money, he has no money so he is thrown out... the second place he comes to he explains his story and they too, ask for money, he has known and he is thrown out... the third place he comes to he briefly describes his story... then quickly adds the "no money" concept and cowers, expecting to be thrown out. The Samarai says "okay", the peasant says "okay?!", and the samari reassures the peasant by saying "alright". The samari fight the bandits after much blood shed, wins. It was intriquing but wouldn't recommend for children....very few words and no bathroom - I had to remind myself to remain "lady like" as it was a long show.

So we went out to dinner and filled the tank with gas. Then we decided we would goto a second show, it too was completley unplanned... we went and saw A Man, Magic, And Music. A comically told lifestory through the eyes of a black man born in the '40's, with 12 brothers and sisters ...he told his story through song, dance, and tap - he intertwined songs of the decade of which his story was being told... it was a truly magnificent show and aside from one small part I would say it is a great show for children who enjoy music.

So all this culture has E.M. and I talking. We already knew we wanted to take our child camping one weekend every 2 months so we decided that the opposite month we would like to take our child to "childrens" plays ....2 of them ...one every other weekend. And we would like to start as soon as our child can sit still for 15 to 45 minutes (usually the length of a child's play!) I guess our goal is to submerge our child in a little of everything as niether of us were at a young age. We want to take the best pats of our lives (for me being in and watching the theatre, for him camping with family and being a techie in the theatre) and highlight them for our children.

Oh yea, along the same line our child is going to have the opportunity to play the piano at a young age... and will learn to read music, something I am *still* trying to learn.

The goal is to provide better for our children, yes? The best way we can figure to do that is to expose them to a little of everything and support them in what they choose to do!


-Jess and E.M.

Cloth Diapering

So E.M. and I have discussed the pros and cons to cloth diapers vs. disposable. We have been pretty set on cloth diapering for a couple of months now... I was origionally turned on to the idea while looking up exclusively breastfeeding our children.

One of the goals we have for raising our children is to raise them earth-conscious and as green as possible. We want our children to conserve, reuse, recycle, and regenerate. Niether of us grew up this way but since being together have both worked hard on all of this (Shutting water off while brushing teeth, reusing plastic bags, cleaning ziploc baggies and reusing, refilling jugs of water as well as water bottles, etc).

All of this combined made me think of cloth diapering. I began to really "search" for a good cloth diaper a couple months back, no real intense searching... however it seemed everything I found that had received good reviews on ease of use and cleaning we had to buy multiple sizes of and they were pricey! I read on a few different sites it is best to have 12 to 24 diapers if not more when you come home from the hospital with baby! That's a lot when you think that they come in sooo many sizes not to mention you don't (for sure) know if your baby will be 5 lbs or 12 lbs! You could spend 200$ on diapers that won't fit 2 weeks after your child begins to use them!
So I started looking for a solution and I found one! Well...I found two...


The first one I found are "Babie Boomer" diapers, one size fits newborn through toddler.... they adjust with snaps. Interesting. So I was pretty happy with this choice, the price seemed fair, etc. I bookmarked the below link in my "baby" folder and went on with researching breastfeeding.

http://www.amazon.com/BABIE-BOOMER-DIAPERS-NEWBORN-TODDLER/dp/B001PL3SFW/ref=sr_1_80?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1236774614&sr=1-80

So the other day I was scrolling through videos on youtube.com and I found a different one-size cloth diaper!!! This one made me feel like I can DEFINITLEY cloth diaper!

They are bumGenius 3.0! They are beyond neat and there are videos on youtube about them, they received excellent ratings in ease, cleaning, and no leaking! Also with the velcrow you can maintain a better fit than with the snaps!

So I believe those are the ones we have settled on....E.M. even watched a video on them and agreed that they look simply enough! :)

http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?cPath=98&products_id=1279

So as most everyone knows by now we are planning to stay in our 1 bedroom apartment.... the only concern we have had this far concerning that is reguarding laundry; especially with cloth diapers (understandably).

Well we no longer are concerned ...I remembered a few years ago a friend mentioned a small washer.... suitable for apartments, no hook ups required because it hooked to a sink head! I had looked at these previously, for our clothes however most of them were very very pricey and did not get good reviews with a load of adult clothes therefore I simply forgot about them. Anyway I was looking for one.... and I found one for under 100$. :)

It is small, only holds 2.2lbs of clothes and will sit on the bathroom counter!

It looks like an egg, doesn't it?!

Link to the "egg" washer:

http://www.etronics.com/p-83975-avanti-ew300-avanti-ew300-mini-personal-washing-machine.aspx?dp=F2C20242E6121253D38363E3A3571373637343031313

So since we found the washer aspect that way we can wash the diapers as often as needed without trudging to the laundry room 12 times a day (okay, maybe that's an exageration! Or not.) we had to find a solution for drying them. Origionally I was thinking we could buy a retractable clothes line from walmart for 15$ and mount it on our front porch and call it a day... however the more I look at the prices of the diapers the less appealing this sounds... the last thing I want to worry about is the diapers walking off to a neighbors home! >.<>

So this is how we plan to cloth diaper our baby....any suggestions or tips are appreciated! :)

(We are very excited about the opportunity to do this so please don't spoil it with rude comments about diapering).

-Jess

Baby Dream

So we went to sleep at about 11pm so that we could make a good day out of our saturday.
Fantastic, so we fall asleep and now I am awake at 4:26 am.

I had the best dream ever and I wanted to log it here ...we heard "the" babies heartbeat. And we saw the little bean on the monitor. I was mezmerized, I laid on the bed in pure shock, staring at my baby and listening to the sweet, sweet sound of her little heart. E.M. was at my side smiling and holding my hand.

That is all for this morning... :)

"In this life there really are more questions than answers...... maybe it's that way to keep us on our toes!"



-Jess

The Most Fantastic...

...changing table ...ever.

Perfect for our 1 bedroom apartment that we plan on taying in until baby is 2 years old since cosleeping is a mandatory yes for us anyway, no need to go out and rent a new place, pay to move, redecorate and pay for a nursery to be put together.

(If you are interested here's the link to it on the Ikea website: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70012146)

This changing table is incredible -- it mounts on the wall and folds up and down for easy (less bulky) use! We are going to mount it in our bedroom to the left of the walk way beside the closets and place a 4 drawer dresser in the closet we currently use as storage.... just needs to be cleaned out and condensed and placed into storage shed! :)

And to document for a later time...
http://www.promom.org/101/ (101 reasons to breastfeed....not that we have ever thought we wouldn't but hey, it's nice to see what our child will gain from exclusively breastfeeding!)

-Jess and E.M.

A Cartoon That Puts TTC In To Perspective...

Trying With Donor

So E.M. and I have discussed this.... my cycle seems fine now that it started and I am no longer ill. And we've spoken with a male friend who identifies as Gay - I have known him for years.... probably at least 6 and E.M. met him through me when we got together. Anyway, he was our first donor last year when we miscarried the first time. He still wants to give us a child and we feel that as long as my cycle is decent and I ovulate properly we don't see an issue in atleast attempting a pregnancy this cycle.

We of course are not at all expectin it to "stick" however we can't see turning him down because he is genuine and we have asked him multiple times in the past to help us and he has never once hesitated. He is a great guy and we figure if it is meant to be then that's fantastic, if not then we will start insemination with frozen specimens in May as planned.

So E.M. spoke to him yesterday morning after....or maybe it was before... I don't recall... we mailed the paperwork in for the 'bank'. E.M. was just giving him a heads up on probable ovulation date... which is the 16th - so we will start OPK's on the 12th unless I show more vivid signs of fertility before then, which as I mentioned who knows -- this cycle has been a mess! :(

Anyway we are planning to do OPK's in the evenings about 7p (After dinner) and then pick him up the morning following a positive and have breakfast and do an insem around 8a followed by a lovely day of r&r and lots of movies and talking and laughing.... then dinner and another insem and at 8p. -- depending on the night E.M. will take him home and head to work or come back and spend more time with me. :)

So that is this months plan.

Other than that I am making lists of things we need to do in the first 2 trimesters (ha! mainly just reorganie and pack our "possessions")


-Jess and E.M.

Random Information on TTC

Just information I don't want to lose; if you are ttc it may be useful for you too! :)

"Ovulation Predictor Kits [OPKs] are a great way to maximize your chances of conception, says Dr Sussman. These will help to quickly and accurately detects the increase in luteinizing hormone in your urine (LH Surge), which normally occurs 24 to 36 hours before ovulation. You are most likely to become pregnant if you have intercourse within 36 hours after you detect your LH surge. "


-Jess and E.M.

A Single Cab Truck

Our vehicle is going to remain a truck until the beginning of 2011 at the earliest; so until the child is almost a year of age.

This is the only real obstacle we've encountered however after some hunting and sifting through a lot of websites I believe we have come up with the solution!



We are taking the truck in in my 3rd tri. to have both air bags disabled until we sell it.

We chose the carseat to the right. Its safety approved, side crash tested, and is for rear facing 5 to 35 lbs..... front facing 35 to 100lbs!!! We are happy with this choice as it fits very nicely in the center seat without making the gear shift inaccessible.

The reason this seat is a good choice for a single cab bench seat truck is because the base is small and lifts the wide seat up allowing the parents to access their seat belts! We are happy with this choice. It is a safe choice as the number one reason children aren't suppose to be in the front seat is due to air bags. Thankfully, we have figured out how to take them out through the dealership!

Anyone who has a single cab truck with a bench seat should definitley do your homework but it is definitley possible to make it work!



-Jess and E.M.

The First 2 Expenses....Of Many!!

0.10 cents - Legible copy of drivers licence.
$1.17 - Stamp for envelope weighing 2.80 oz!

So far the baby making process has cost us $1.27!!
(Excluding prenatals, of course!)


We sent the little parcel off containing all the paper work at 9:59:14am this morning!
We are thrilled!

And then when we arrived home and I pondered through my email I noticed the 'bank' had replied to my earlier sent email asking roughly how long it would take to process the paperwork!

All paperwork is opened and filed in the order it arrives ...ours should be there Saturday... but they are closed on weekends (the office is anyway) so they will receive it Monday morning! We are hoping to order our indepth profiles for the weekend of pride! (17th and 18th!) Along, of course, with the pictures and all.

On another note I am on a fantastic board on thenest.com and I posted about the 'bank' earlier (last night, if memory serves me correctly). The ladies on this board pointed out that we may not want to buy such a large amount of sperm (12 vials) at once but rather buy a smaller clump, say 3, and leave the money in an interest bearing account to earn us more baby-making money! What a fantastic idea! I hadn't even thought of this! They went on to explain that some couples need to change or want to change donors for one reason or another. I think that's a good idea, and so does E.M. - So there it is... we will purchase and store 3 vials of sperm which is 3 cycles.. at which point we are praying to the good Lord above to have a BFP!!!!!

Keep us in your prayers while we attempt to not lose our little minds with anticipation while we wait for the paperwork to be received and properly filed!!!!

-Jess and E.M.

All Set

So we chose our 4 default donors.

1st choice - Caucasian/German/Hispanic
Black Hair, Green Eyes, 5'9", 155lbs.
Educated In: Sociology, Criminology
Enjoys: fly tying and fishing, shooting, scuba diving, working with his hands (models)
Past pregnancy reported.
No history of fertility problems in family.
CMV -


2nd choice - British/French/German/Swiss/and Irish.
Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, 6'0", 180lbs.
Educated In: Business Administration
Enjoys: golf, basketball, tennis, guitar, singing, and reading.
No past pregnancy reported.
No history of fertility problems in family.
CMV -


3rd choice - Dutch, German, Scottish
Blonde Hair, Hazel Eyes, 5'8", 150lbs
Educated In: Economics
Enjoys: Volunteer philanthropic work, fraternity, running, biking, cooking, backpacking
Past pregnancy reported.
No history of fertility problems in family.
CMV +


4th choice - Danish, French
Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, 5'11, 183lbs.
Educated In: Social Sciences
Enjoys: Playing football, skiing, scuba diving, running, climbing.
No past pregnancy reported.
CMV +


We are mailing the paper work in the morning; first class, rush, 2 day. The same way they mail everything.
Once our paperwork is properly filed we are going to order the extensive profiles on the first 2 and pictures for both, we will make our decision from there. I do believe we would have stuck with only the 2 but had we left the other 2 spots empty our paperwork wouldn't have been filed! :(
Good news is we genuinely like all 4 so any of them will work for us!!! :)
Now we just have to narrow it down; a hard feat without more information on health, personality, and of course looks! :)

Side note: I wish we could buy photos of both sets of grandparents (even if it was a photo from when they were in their early 20's) since children normally take after grandparents more so than "parents". Hmmmm.

Ok that's all for now, I shall post when we mail it!!!!


-Jess and E.M.

Paperwork...and Donors!

I think we are drowning in both paperwork and donors.

We have ALL paperwork filled out and in it's pretty yellow envelope on the dining room table and now ...we wait, we contimplate... we bargain and compromise with eachother.... all the while trying to pick out 4 "default" donors that are required to process the paperwork. I believe that this is put in place bcause the registration process itself with the bank we have chosen is free! A huge plus in our oppinions.
So we have chose one donor - black hair, green eyes, 5'9". :)

Three to go :sigh:

Oi Vey.

-Jess and E.M.

Introduction

This is my first blog in a long time, outside of the blogs I write to track the updates I do on the "family" site.

I plan to update this as news changes, as things happen, mainly to document for E.M. and I's family-to-be (our children to come) what we went through to get them.

We are a loving and committed couple who are beginning a family. We are currently filling out paperwork for a sperm bank in Washington State and after that goes through we plan to start trying for a baby in May of this year.

We are thrilled at the ease in which the process seems to be (obtaining sperm from this bank). We have looked at many other banks and they seem so complicated, this one doesn't seem to be that way. We printed the paper work this afternoon and began to fill it out before E.M. headed to work.

We were origionally going to go with a free-AI donor vs a bank but after meeting with multiple men who were "willing" we felt it was best (mainly most responsible and safe) to simply purchase the sperm from a bank.

I (Jess) will be carrying the child and we have been charting my ovulation (not temping) and I will start using OPK's this month so I have a better idea in May when to ask the bank to ship us our "frozen possibilities".

More to come. :)