Not This Cycle

I started late.... wow am I baffled.
But... it was expected and I am not dissapointed!

We must be positive about this... so on our positive notes:
This gives us more time to put more money away.
Being in your 1st trimester sucks during summer or so my mother informed me.

That's all I got.

I refuse to be sad about this.

Anyway, onword to next month.
We are using our known donor and 1 sperm sample from the bank :)

So I will order that on Monday the 11th so it's here on the 13th! :)

Onward, to the next cycle!!! :)


-Jess

14 DPO

So no AF yet...still.
And absolutley NO sign of her!

I'm still super fatigued and gassy and I found LOADS more veins this morning, all over! Oh yea and there are lots of little bumps on my nipples. :)

Wow I never thought I would be sooo excited to be in pain!!


-Jess

Swine Flu

So I am all nervous since I am listening to the President's Press Conference




So I looked it up and found a few links for anyone ttc or pregnant... :) decent, comon sense information:
1. http://pregnancy.about.com/b/2009/04/27/swine-flu-and-pregnancy.htm
Information on Swine Flu & Pregnancy.
2. http://pregnancy.about.com/od/healthduringpreg/a/coldsandflu.htm
How to deal with colds & flus while pregnant.
3. http://pregnancy.about.com/od/medicationinpreg/qt/coldsmedspreg.htm
Medications to take for cold or flu while pregnant.

That made me feel better, hope it helps others! :)


-Jess

Why I Wish We Lived In A More Open & Accepting World...

This was posted on Yahoo! Answers... I like to go and read the questions and answer the ones that I am capable of.
It was an answer to a question from a mom of a pregnant 19 year old teen...
-------------------------------------------
Basics for being a successful parent
(the ideal situation)
be at least 21 (25+ is best)
Uh... Em is 22 and I am 20... I will be 21 when baby is born, why will this make me a better parent than I would be, say tomorrow?!

be married (or have life partner)
I agree with this however I *do* support single parenting by choice when the situation is correct (note I didn't say "optimal")

both have careers (not just jobs)
Niether of us have careers... Em starts his next year and I am going to be a SAHM (stay at home mom)

both have degrees
I have a degree but I will never use it, Em graduates next year with 2 associates.

both own cars
why on earth is this a necessity? We own a truck! And as I have explained before we will have the airbags disabled and we have chosen a carseat that will fit until we can trade it in for a 4runner or something of the like.

have at least $5,000 in savings just for the baby
We have a savings (long term and baby) but the baby savings is just to purchase the stuff baby will need during the first year of life.

*any idiot can have sex, but it takes much more to be a responsible, mature and financially stable parent
-------------------------------------------

I don't know why I am posting this but it's really aggravating that I am going to be judged on my age for a child that has been thought out and planned for.... financially, emotionally and physically! I hate how people judge others... I mean come on, it would be one thing if we weren't committed and had our sh!t together ...but we do. We understand a baby is forever, it isn't a puppy, it's life changing but not necessarily all in negative ways...

With the plan we have now we are going to have 1 baby every 4 years.... so my kids ill be 0, 4, 8, and 12 and I will be 33 and E.M. will be 35 when we are done... that's perfect for us... we will be able to be active in our children's lives and enjoy their childhoods with them instead of from afar.

Ack, ok end vent.


-Jess

13 DPO continued.

Took an hour and a half nap and woke up in cold sweats.
Also it seems that everytime I lay down my heart beat picks up, I looked it up and it seems like a normal sign of early pregnancy (usually starting as early as 4 weeks gestation - if we are pregnant we just entered week 5) This started for me 48 hours ago with the nightmares.

Oh also my areolas are darker and larger than 2 days ago and I am experiencing more "tugging" sensation around my belly button area.

That's all for now,
Jess

Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are! 13 DPO

Ohhhh AF......come out and play, otherwise I expect a positive HPT!!

No sign.
Yesterday, as mentioned, I swore it was going to start so I did everything I normally do (from taking a hot bath to rubbing my tummy and everything in between) to get AF to start. I fully prepared myself to wake up this morning and to be bleeding.... but... nothing.

Instead I had 2 dreams about getting a positive HPT! <3

Oh, and a dream I had not last night but the night before...
I stuck my child in the OVEN....and said something to EM and he took me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom and told me it'd be okay.... the baby was fine... I woke up in tears (eh, disclaimer, I would never ever under any circumstance do this.... it was simply a dream!)

That's all for now, more to come later.


-Jess

Going Insane - 12 DPO

So I haven't started AF yet, I got about 7 hours of sleep last night and then took a 3 hour nap with E.M. and I'm still exhausted but I am cooking dinner (vegitarrian meatloaf, yummy!).

Anyway my dull back pain is way worse, about 3/4th of what it was last week (Thursday or Friday) when I thought the egg may have started the implantation ...cramps aren't really cramps (like I explained last night).

Last night my cervix had dropped, was firm, and slightly open -- like it was preparing for AF. This morning it was higher, softer, and shut. So I am happier about that... I was really freaked last night. :(

My temp is still above coverline.... if my temp stays up for 2 to 4 more days it should be a good indicator that I am knocked up. Also, if last night/yesterday was the end of implantation (when bleeding will occur) my HCg levels will rise over the next 3 to 7 days and hopefully if no AF appears will give me a positive test.

This am was negative, not testing tomorrow, testing wenesday if no AF, not testing Thursday unless I get a faint line Wenesday, and testing Friday and not on Saturday unless I get a faint line on Friday. :)

I would be more at ease if I wasn't jumping up every 10 to 30 minutes to a. go pee and b. check that the "gushing" feeling at my crotch isn't gushing blood! :(
So that's all for now, I will keep you updated!

Pain & Testing

So I realized a little bit ago my period should start tomorrow. :(
I thought it was the 26th for some reason, then EM pointed out it's the 27th meaning tomorrow is the 28th, the day my period should show her ugly face :(

I'm hopeful ...but trying not to be excited... since I have experienced all these symptoms. The only crappy thing is I have bad cramps...not normal cramps per say....just cramps... I described it to EM earlier as pressure... it's a dull aching pain above my left hip and odd pulling/stretching at my belly button off and on but that doesn't necessarily hurt... also I have a dull pressure in my lover back about 3 inches above my butt and in my knees >.<

So there is a good chance this is premenstrual.... and that saddens me.

If it is I am going to the Dr. to find out what the hell is up with the brown discharge! That's just icky. And TMI.


-Jess

Food Ramble

Did you know the watermelon hydrates you?
So if you aren't a big water drinker (like me) you can eat watermelon and it will help keep you hydrated which is fantastic especially now that I can't seem to keep my thirst quenched and ive completley cut soda and coffee and tea even!

Also it has loads of vitamin b which is what gives you energy! Also fantastic since I have been super sluggish and fatigued for the last week! :)

Oh and it's also a good source of antioxidents (to keep you healthy and can even prevent colon cancer, arthritus, asthma, osteoperosis and heart disease!) and vitamin A & C!!

This is great! :)
Not only all of the information above BUT I can eat more than 5 bites without feeling like I am going to throw it up!!!!


-Jess

11 DPO

So 11 DPO and my bb temp is still above the 98.3 coverline. :)
I'm cranky, onry, and hungry loads.

We went shopping this morning and picked up 40$ in fresh food including watermelon, a few apples, some easy cooks (premade meatloaf, microwavable vegitarian lasagna, etc)

I am super sad about the stretch marks so I am going to try and eat healthier than usual even if im not knocked up this cycle... I noticed today my loved handles are gone - it's like the fat from there moved to my stomache (I think I said this in my last post... hmm).

Anyway the main reason for this post is really, truly TMI but hey, a woman on a mission has gotta log this stuff somewhere, right?

TMI:
What Em and I are perceiving as implantation bleeding last night and this morning.... really super light yesterday, I basically had to LOOK for the brown spots. Today when I changed the pad I had a line of brown from middle to front ....not thick and still a very small amount. Definitley not normal discharge or a normal period! I tested this am ...as promised.... and as expected a negative. I decided I wouldn't test tomorrow am but instead wait until Wenesday and if it's negative I will just expect AF ...if no AF shows by Friday AM I will test again, repeating every 48 hours.
End TMI.

So that about sums it all up! :) I'm still not counting calories as I am afraid it will make me go nuts trying not to gain too much weight.

Instead of calorie counting I have decided that until Doc tells me I am too fat and need to not gain wait I will let myself eat as much as I want as long as I crush candy, fast food, ice cream, chips, etc.... it helps we went ahead and bought a full watermelon which I forced myself to cut up when I got a tiny burst of energy.
Also I have been drinking 8 oz of OJ daily, taking a prenatal supplement, and drinking a lot of water.

To Buy:
Fish Oil Capsules (daily)
Vitamin E Oil/Cream (Apply once daily to stretch marks)
100% Pure Mink Oil (Apply twice daily to stretch marks)
Vitamin A Moisturizer (Apply once daily to stretch marks)


Oh yea and for good measure I had a horrible headache that was threatening to turn into a migraine so I took a 600mg motrin at 130p today.


More to come as always,
Jess

10 DPO Extended.

So I had heartburn once I got in the car this afternoon and it lasted from about noon to 2:30p and then started up again are 4:45p and now it's gone but I am full of burps.

Also we have been looking at my body daily and we found 5 to 10 new veins that have "popped" out to the surface of the skin and sadly about 10 more stretch marks. I only know the stretch marks are new because all my old ones are white and the new ones are pink-purpleish! :(

I think I've gained about 5 pounds and my chest has gone up a half cup (at least)....also I was chunky to begin with ....chunky and wide... BUT in the last 4 or 5 days the fat from the width of my stomach has moved forward ...sorta like a beer belly I've never ever had before.

I received a negative on this mornings HPT.
Like stated before I am not SUPPOSE to test before Thursday but I will continue to use dollar store tests every morning as the expected negative is easier for me to deal with than just getting AF! :)

We stoped by target on our way home from rehersal and looked at the dresser we want.... well wanted. But it is flimsy and crappy looking....the picture makes it look so great.... it seriously looks like a huge waste of money so we have no idea what we are doing for a dresser now sigh!

Alright that's all for now.
More later!!


-Jess

9 & 10 DPO

Sorry I didn't post yeterday -- Weekends are hectic since I have rehersal Saturday and Sundays for the next 6 weeks!

We are being assigned our roles today and I am testing daily because it makes me feel better to continue receiving negatives, false or otherwise, the consistency is refreshing. For the record, I am someone who does not enjoy being in limbo or anyother state of unknown. I very much love control and so what have I done? Submerged us in to the biggest rollercoaster of unknown ever. I am exhausted, yet I can't sleep. I am hungry, yet when I eat I feel overly full, almost pukish and sometimes acquire heartbearn! My boobs hurt and im sure if an expert map reader were to take one look at all the friggen' blue veins that have appeared in the last 10 days he'd be able to tell you about secret passageways deep under the ground >,<

Oh yea and im so PMS'ish moody it's not even funny! :insert frustrated face here:

:sigh:


-Jess